Friday, January 6, 2012

A "Jersey Shore" review

Not ashamed to admit it, I'm a huge fan of the show "Jersey Shore". Knowing last night was the premiere of these knuckleheads coming back from Italy was something I was looking forward to for hours leading up to the show.

After a nice huge bowl of that Old f'ckers "Orville Redenbacher" Light Butter Popcorn (which in case you do know is only 120 calories for the bag - OH YEAH POP CORN HERE! - feeling thin just talking about it), I felt there were many instances of the episode that I could compare to both my life at work and outside of work.
The first thing that hit was when the cast walked into a surprise party thrown for them by Shore Store Danny. When Snooki saw "Jionni" for the first time since Italy, it was like when I saw my buddy "Johnny" after coming back to work from a long Christmas vacation knowing how much I missed our lunch routine.

Also, knowing how much Paulie D, Ronnie, Vinny and The Situation were dying to get home to go for their guido haircuts was another thing I could really relate to. Not that I have a full head of hair now (Um yeah hello, look at my avatar), but being a full all out guido myself (Take a look at that Bouffant on da bronx boy himself in 1990) I know how it is to not have one piece of hair out of place or touching my ears or neck.

With this serious look, you think MTV would have cast me? 

So, watching last nights episode taught me how much I could miss my routine with "Johnny" and the more things change (like whats on top of your head) the more they stay the same (by needing a trim no matter how much you have up top!).

Give me a minute ... I can't stop laughing imagining Matt (with a full head of hair) beating up the beat at The Aztec. He is a true guido to the core and I'm thinking there is a tremendous opportunity to create a new Jersey Shore-like show, but with old school guidos (between ages 35-50). I said it first, don't you dare steal that idea.

I too never miss Jers-day and last night was no exception. I find more and more that I really enjoy shows that I truly despise (huh?). Yes, I know the show is trash and has zero value, but don't you dare mock it. Only I am allowed to. Yes it is an unfair stereotype of young Italians, but it is also dead on. Get over it.

On to my critique of the season premiere:

I would like to focus on The Situation first.

I realize that he is exactly like both of my kids. Any attention is good attention. If he feels like he is being ignored, he'll do something stupid to remind you he is still there. Just look back on last season when he smashed his own head against the wall while arguing with Ronnie. Or his need to urge The Unit to spill the beans about what Sitch and Snooki did last summer.

This is no different than my son kicking me in the shins while I hug my wife or my daughter "accidentally" dropping all of her crayons while I'm on the phone. May Sitch's 15 minutes of fame dry up real soon.

Next we have Vinnie.
Last night, Vinnie bitched and moaned about missing home and that he "had nothing more to give". Really? You do realize you are making like $100,000 an episode, right? And you know that you have no discernible talent, right? Go ahead, leave the show and see what happens. Two words for you ... Jon Gosselin. How's he holding up these days?

Finally, let's talk Sammie Sweetheart.
Everyone talks about Snooki and how annoying she can be, but Sammie is by far the most difficult to watch. She takes vain to an entire new level. Watch any clip of her. Even when she is fighting with Ronnie, she has her eyes in the mirror and is playing with her hair. Last night, I hit rewind three times to show my wife how she was playing with her hair while all the girls were in the confession room. I am that passionate about my disdain for her. She is so consumed with her looks and I still say she is a poorer role model for girls than Snooki will ever be.

Did you watch? Will you never read us again knowing we watch such trash? We would love to hear your comments, both good and bad.



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