A BLK lunch

John here ...

So here's the routine:

I walk to Matt's desk without saying a word.

He gets up and we walk out of the building without a bit of kvetching.

We get in his car, close the doors and head out to Wegmans for lunch.

The second the car starts moving, we start chatting like two 13 year old girls and catch up on the others activities from the prior 24 hours.

We pull into the Wegmans parking lot, park in the same row, enter through the automatic doors and walk into heaven.

Once inside, we split up and never do we consult on our lunch options.

We each pay, head upstairs and reconvene at one of three tables that overlooks the fruit displays.

After sitting down, we each take a quick peek at what the other purchased, suffer some order envy and then dive in and gleefully chow down like it is our Last Supper.

This routine never really changes and we like it that way.

So today we are in our seats and just about ready to scarf down our turkey wrap and chicken parm respectively, when we both notice that without any prior discussions, we both purchased the exact same beverage. Not all that out of the ordinary normally, but this was downright bizarre. The beverage of choice was one neither of us had ever tried before but for reasons only the Lord can tell us, we both bought BLK water.

Matt with his:

And me with mine:

First off, yes we took these pics in clear view of numerous other diners but didn't give a rat's arse. This was too good not to capture on film.

Secondly, for those of you who watch the fascinatingly entertaining show Real Housewives of New Jersey, you know this is the product that is run by the Manzo boys and their uncle Chris Laurita. Matt and I could write a thesis on why this show represents the the universe in general but that is a story for another day (in fact, Matt promises a future post on why he wishes Chris Laurita was his uncle - and yes, it will not be creepy one bit).

We have talked in the past about finally trying this water but never talked about when we would do it. To have this occur at the same time was kismet. And let me tell you, the water was damn good. Refreshing and delicious and I was less affected by the black coloring than I thought I would be. I think we both know this will be a drink in our lunch repertoire for the foreseeable future.

But the best part of this BLK and Wegmans mash-up, is that the crew from the RHONJ will be at OUR Wegmans this Sunday promoting their new flavored BLK beverages. Are you friggin kidding me? If you tell me Joe Gorga will also be there, I may pass out. Matt and I are still working out our plan to stop by and stalk say "Hi" so more to come on that one.

To top off yet another fantastic lunch, Matt followed up with a tweet to the BLK gang and guess who responded?              

Thanks! Enjoy! RT @mattb17 @CarolineManzo @chris_manzo @AlbieManzo Getting ready for my 1st BLK @Wegmans #blk pic.twitter.com/S71hnu9dmL
— Chris Laurita (@chris_laurita) September 19, 2013

Pretty cool, eh?


TGAL

The Real Housewives of New Jersey - "Where are they now?" Part II

Hopefully by now, you ready our first installment of the RHONJ, "Where are they Now?" the 2015 edition. If not, you can read all about it here. 

For today, here are three additional updates on some of your favorite "characters" from RHONJ. 

Enjoy    

KATHY WAKILE 

• After the debacle that was the reunion show, Kathy put all of her time and energy into her dessert line "Dolci Della Dea" which translated from Italian means "Now it's my turn to make some cash with my recipes due to my new found celebrity". She did real well selling them on QVC ... and outside of Teresa's book signings. 
• After announcing she had created her own cocktail - Red Velvet Cosmo - Teresa went all sorts of nuts accusing her of yet again copying her road map to success. To get her back, Tre made a secret appearance on one of her QVC spots and if you look closely in the background, you can see her pretending to vomit when drinking the cocktail. The stunt proved to make Teresa look bad yet again, so in a moment of desperation, Tre just accused Kathy of being a stripper. After exhaustive research, TMZ discovered that Kathy had actually worked at a strip joint in Paterson back in the 70's, but turns out Kathy didn't actually dance there; she just baked for all of the girls on the weekends.
• As Kathy became more and more popular by the end of 2013, the job opportunities were plentiful and she eventually settled on her own daytime talk show on CBS. "Kathy's Place" was clearly inspired  by the "Rachel Ray Show" as she had on B to C level celebrity guests and then baked for them. It was a moderate hit into 2014 until she not so smartly, set up a RHONJ reunion show and all hell broke lose. Teresa stirred things up yet again by accusing Kathy of stealing her idea to "bake a cake in an oven". Kathy's sister Rosie had seen enough and attacked Tre with a rolling pin on the stage. The show was sued for 10 million dollars and had to be abruptly canceled.
• As of today, Kathy sells her desserts roadside at her husband's Exxon station in Wayne, NJ. She is also working on a tell-all book - "I Baked Like a Champ and Then a Guidette Friggin Ruined It" - where she promises to dish on the Teresa none of us knew prior to the start of RHONJ.                       

RICH WAKILE

• Rich Wakile, fresh off of watching all of his cast mates deal with bankruptcy in season 4, decided to venture into other businesses outside of gas stations and started a clothing line at Men's Wearhouse. The "Richie W" collection featured polo shirts with the collar permanently turned up and sold like mad. Together, he and Kathy were rolling in the dough (pun intended) so they took the opportunity to also move away from the Giudices. They bought a house in Westchester, NY where they hoped to spread their "Jerseyness" across the Hudson. 
• Well, just like his fellow RHONJ'ers, Rich made some questionable moves soon after the polo shirt explosion that started things rolling down the wrong path. First, he invested heavily in a discotheque in Long Branch, NJ that went terribly wrong from the outset. He had Melissa Gorga perform opening night and while she performed admirably, a brawl broke out right after she performed her new single "No, now I'm totally on display". Turns out Kim D and Kim G had invited some shady rival salon greeters who took the opportunity to settle their differences on the dance floor. Needless to say, the club never recovered.
• Rich then ventured into the restaurant business and opened what was supposed to be a Lebanese restaurant in Weehawken, NJ. Turns out, all of the food was actually Italian as Rich yet again, forgot that he actually is not of Italian descent. The restaurant closed within four months. As we all know, NJ doesn't need another Italian restaurant.
• By early 2014, just as Kathy's talk show was crumbling and things looked bleak, Rich went back to what got them wealthy in the first place - gas stations. He bought up a few back in Bergen County and forced his son into the business. As of today, business is thriving yet again and he's hoping Kathy can get back on her feet selling her desserts to those waiting on their gas to be pumped. Rich also opened a new restaurant with his fellow male cast mates that is looking promising as of the day of this story.                                

CHRIS LAURITA

• Chris went into a depression after the taping of the reunion and vowed to bring his family back together. He arranged one of those survival, out in the wilderness bonding weekends with both his sister Dina and his sister Caroline. The experience was taped as part of a Bravo special "The Three Lauritas". The experience not only brought them all closer together, but launched the idea for the three siblings to travel the country and attempt to bring families closer together using the same method they used. 
• With the success of the Laurita siblings new venture, Chris immediately dropped out of the BLK Water enterprise. He handed the reigns over to his step daughter Ashley who had made serious strides both personally and professionally while in Cali. In an unfortunate incident, Chris was captured on video laughing while talking to Joe Giudice and yelling "Who the f wants to drink black water any way. Shit looks nasty. Good luck Manzo boys dealing with Ashley now." 
• With the success of the family survival business, Chris was able to turn that into a partnership with Tony Robbins and began traveling the country giving inspirational speeches and offering up advice to small businesses and self-starters. He even had his teeth professionally whitened to keep up with Tony  and through the magic of P90X, got himself into the best shape of his life.
• Like we see so many times, the personal success Chris achieved had an adverse affect on his family life. By the time 2014 rolled around, he had seen so little of his wife Jacqueline while traveling non stop and they drifted further and further apart. In desperate need of attention, Jacqueline turned to Albie Manzo and they secretly had a steamy affair until Caroline found them in a compromising position on a couch in the back of The Brownstone. The chaos that ensued was the perfect set-up for the season finale of season 6 and it tore apart the Lauritas yet again. Chris now lives with Joe Giudice in an apartment in Red Bank and they opened a restaurant with Joe Gorga and Rich Wakile that is still thriving as of today.                           

The Real Housewives of New Jersey - "Where are they now?"

Good evening. We come to you today from the future.

We have like this really cool time machine that we'll some day show you. But we have more important business to take care of right now.

It is January 2015 and a lot has happened the past three years. I can't give away too much because it will mess up the future of the world and that would really suck.

What I can share with you however, is what has transpired in the universe of the Real Housewives of New Jersey these past three years. Some pretty crazy and unexpected stuff.

Today, we give you part one of a three part series where we fill you in on what has happened to some of our favorite "characters" from RHONJ. I think you'll be shocked to when you read below.

Deep breaths ... and go:        

TERESA GIUDICE

• Teresa’s 4th cookbook “Fabulicious Grilling” was released in 2013 and was immediately crucified by the critics as Tre claimed to have invented “grilled chicken” and a “medium rare” cheeseburger. The book still sold well though, as the foreword contained cartoons Teresa drew of Melissa as a stripper and Caroline as the Abominable Snowman.
• Teresa’s 5th cookbook “Fabulicious Food for Strippers” was released in late 2013 as she looked to pounce on the marketability of strippers. Some of the more notable recipes include: “Meatballs on Display” “Gold-digger Chicken” and “I Just Wanna Manicotti”. She vehemently claimed  that any of the names that resembled a certain someone were merely a coincidence.
• In order to make some easy cash when times were tough, Teresa lent her name to a new Spike TV game show entitled “Are You Smarter Than a Giudice?” It was hosted by go to gameshow host,  Chris Manzo, and became the network’s biggest hit to date.
• After divorcing Juicy Joe in early 2014, Tre, in a shocking move, teamed up with Danielle Staub to star in the re imagined off Broadway version of Thelma & Louise called “Two Sick and Crazy Bitches” produced by Greg Bennett. It became a critical success for its dark humor and as one critic penned, it was “lunacy never before seen on the stage”.
• By late 2014, after The Real Housewives of New Jersey was put on permanent hiatus. Teresa continued her downward spiral and had no choice but to check herself into "Celebrity Narcissism Rehab with Dr Drew". She made great strides early and appeared to make some connections with her housemates only to be thrown into the depths of despair when Melissa Gorga entered as a mid-season replacement for Honey Boo Boo (turns out she was too young for such a program). 

JOE GIUDICE 

• After watching his disturbing appearance on the 2012 RHONJ reunion, Joe immediately got himself clean, shed 25 pounds and swore off creepily groaning on the phone with his Italian male coworkers. 
• Just as Teresa was releasing her new cookbook in early 2013, Joe moved out of the mansion in Towaco, NJ and moved into his parents garage. He got back to his roots and started working in construction, albeit as low man on the totem pole. The kids would come visit often and begged to live in the garage with him. They called him “the sane one”. 
• Joe made up with all of his male RHONJ co-stars and they all opened up an Italian restaurant, "Momo's Kitchen" in Weehawken, NJ. It is similar in style to Planet Hollywood and The Hard Rock Café in that it counted on show memorabilia and props to pull in the crowds. Some of the more infamous pieces included Joe Gorga’s “banana hammock”, Rich Wakilie’s white polo shirt (collar still up) and Joe Giudice’s cell phone.
• Joe and Teresa called it quits and made the divorce official in early 2014. When Teresa entered rehab, Joe was awarded full custody of the girls and he moved them into a modest home in Paramus, NJ.
• Figuring he would strike while the iron was hot, Joe opened up a string of “Juicy Joe” juice bars throughout the tri-state area where he partnered with The Situation. All of the locations are thriving and he even made a plea to his ex-wife to work in one of them to help her "get back on her feet again or whatever".

JOE GORGA

• Joe Gorga’s appeal was made evident to all after the 2012 reunion and he was immediately contacted by Hollywood types to start planning the next aspect of his career. He sold his “business” to Rich Wakilie, who in turn sold it to someone else (and made a nice profit as a result).
• Joe landed a supporting role in the movie "Mad Mike II" and was able to show his considerable "talents" to a larger audience. His character name of “Rod Long” became a lexicon in pop culture and lead to many new opportunities in show business.
• The next move was a no-brainer, as he upped the family from their home in NJ and moved them all out to Los Angeles. Melissa pursued her singing career and Joe could walk around in his skivvies and get paid for it.
• Unfortunately, it fell apart quickly when studios realized that Joe was only 4 ft 11. He could never be a leading man so the calls stopped coming. By late 2013, Joe was appearing in low budget “B” movies, most often as a street hustler. Times were tough.
• To make matters worse, with the new law banning Autotunes, Melissa was left without a singing career. She did appear on a few RHONJ cruises where she could sing “On Display” for faithful fans but it wasn’t enough to pay the bills.
• By 2014, the Gorga’s moved back to New Jersey and Joe made up with his former brother in law and they opened the aforementioned restaurant. Melissa couldn’t recover from her loss of fame and kind of lost it. She seized the opportunity to join Dr Drew’s "Celebrity Narcissism Rehab" knowing Teresa was already there. She figured firing up Tre brought her success in the past so why not give it another try. Only time will tell.

Real Housewives of New Jersey - A "character" analysis

What you are about to read will more than likely make you lose all respect for the two of us. 

Seriously.

Matt and I are over the top fans of Real Housewives of New Jersey and we just both watched the finale this week. Good times.

I grew up right outside of Franklin Lakes so I have a great perspective on these type of people and that adds to the intrigue. They're all insanely wealthy (until they're bankrupt) and you have to love Italians living in Northern New Jersey.   

It was THE topic at lunch the other day and I'm pretty sure this show wasn't meant to be analyzed and studied as much as we have. We're not talking Lost here.

We started to do a character analysis (kick me in the shins now) but realized why not write it up here so it can be studied by all of our wonderful readers (thanks Mom!). 

So here it is. You didn't ask for it, you have no need for it and you'll feel sick in the morning after reading it.

Enjoy:      

JOE GIUDICE

John's take: My guess is that Joe wishes this show never existed so he could have slid under the radar with his job as "entrepreneur". Over/Under on him announcing that he is entering rehab is at 6 months.
Matt's take: Just when you thought "Juicy Joe" could not top having a fake drivers license, a DUI,  claiming bankruptcy and getting a "mystery call" while on vacation, he chips his tooth break dancing in the dining room. Way to go Joe!

JACQUELINE LAURITA

John's take: The so-called "sweet one" is seriously losing her shit. I'm still not sure why the loss of friendship with Teresa has her all jacked up. Nervous breakdown is knocking at the door if it hasn't shown up already.  

Matt's take: Definitely the beauty of the bunch. Just when you want to cheer for her standing up for herself, shes a crying mess over losing Teresa as a friend (and such a good friend "Tre" was to her) or hearing about Ashley's new tattoos. Lay off the alcohol "Jac".

RICH

John's take: He's the guy who makes the obvious joke in all situations and thinks he is funny as hell. By the way, he IS funny as hell and by far my favorite "character".
Matt's take: I have never seen a person wish they were Italian more then Rich. He's the only guy who could still wear a polo shirt with the collar up and get away with it.

TERESA GIUDICE

John's take: What is there to say any more? In 2020 when universities are studying the effects "Reality TV" had on the culture and their "stars", she will be the ultimate case study in how the overexposure can remove every ounce of decency out of your body.

Matt's take: I know you're expecting me to bash this wack job from outer space. But, how can you make fun of a best selling author who says "ingredientzes" and "she hurted me".

CAROLINE MANZO

John's take: People love her as the voice of reason. I am so sick of her claiming to be the voice of reason.  I cringe when she talks all godfather-like. This season also demonstrated how her boys can do no wrong (vomit inducing) and how much she can't stand her daughter Lauren.  

Matt's take: The Warden. Mrs. Serious. The matriarch of Franklin Lakes. "We fight big and we make up big". Classic Caroline slogans. Ughh. When is the last time you saw her smile? Ummm Never. Smile Caroline, if it wasn't for the show you'd be at the Garden State Plaza mall everyday spending Albert's money holding a poodle.

MELISSA GORGA

John's take: I still laugh my ass off every time I hear anyone sing "On Display". I'm still trying to figure out why she is always "on display" but I guess I'll just have to trust her on that one. I do like her more than all the other women on the show.

Matt's take: I love how she can wear the skimpiest outfit and play it off like she is not "On Display". Is she the "Soul Diggaz" #1 superstar?.

JOE GORGA

John's take: Over/Under on admitting he is bi-sexual. Three months.

Matt's take: This guy just might just be the most honest of them all. Just says whatever comes to his mouth. Scary right? BTW "Tarzan",  shave that horrible 5 o'clock shadow and stop with the creepy bond you have with your sister, it makes me uncomfortable.

ALBIE MANZO

John's take: The true definition of a "Momma's Boy" ... and not in a good way. Borderline creepy. Congrats to getting out now Lindsey. 

Matt's take: Am I dreaming or was there an episode when this prima donna left law school to go into the police academy? Yeah, that was gonna last as long as his relationship with the cheerleader did.

CHRIS MANZO

John's take: The "goofy" one and I don't really find it endearing. May need to drink more BLK water and less beer based on that ever expanding belly.  

Matt's take: I wish he started the car wash with the girls in bikini's. What else fits this character?

CHRIS LAURITA

John's take: Chris continues to be a man of few words but he maximizes the impact of those words. I wouldn't cross him ... EVER. I do hope he keeps the boys in line with BLK as I found myself wanting to fire them all when they traveled to DC.    

Matt's take:  My favorite of the show. Everything he says makes sense, says his piece and regrets nothing. Never gets flustered. Also never has a hair out of place. I wanna be Chris when I grow up.

KATHY WAKILE

John's take: A true sweetheart who I could watch say "respect" all day and night. And me thinks her food blows away Teresa's. A class act.  

Matt's take: Well said my friend. Kathy is classy and does not steal recipes and does not look like a frog Mr. Juicy Joe. However, I will say that her eyes were a bit protruding in Punta Cana saying Teresa is "Coo Coo Coo Coo Coo Coo".

And there you have it, an analysis like no other. Feel free to add your own thoughts in the Comments section. This is important and deep stuff. Let's keep the dialogue going.


TGAL