Thursday, December 1, 2011

Give me a "canal" and ... a piano

We were back at Wegman's for the first time in over a week and it felt good. I made three rounds around the "cafe" just to let it all soak in again.

Buffalo wings looking good.

Asian buffet bar, don't you ever change.

A quick wink to the servers at the salad line who rock it like no other.

I felt like John Travolta walking down the street in the intro to Saturday Night Fever.
The lunch decision was a difficult one because we had been away for so long. It all felt fresh and new. After changing my mind three or four times, I went with three parmesan/garlic wings and a caesar salad.

I f'n choked.

While it was delicious, as usual, I could have done better. I wanted to bang my head on the Wegman's self playing piano (no joke), where we sit upstairs, like the guy from Sesame Street:
If you get that reference, you rule. If not, sorry. Sesame Street dominated my childhood and I still value all that Grover, Big Bird and especially Oscar taught me.    

Once we entered through Wegman's doors, John and I split up to hunt down our feast for the hour long "Lunch Show". I had my mind made up and headed right to the sub counter to get the usual cold cut (nitrates on a log) sandwich.

While at the counter a weird thing happened. I'll explain:

I asked for whole wheat bread, and every time the person behind the counter goes to the bakery rack to get the popular "7 inch wheat", I panic because I want the middle of the roll taken out so I don't feel like I'm eating just a loaf of bread. However, I don't want the person next to me or the person behind the counter to look at me and say "you gotta be kidding me". So I have to make a judgment call on whether or not to ask, based on how brave I feel at the time. I felt comfortable to ask this time because the person behind the counter seemed real nice. After asking if she could remove some of the bread inside the roll, she says "No problem I do that all the time, I'll make like a canal for you"......5 SECOND PAUSE.....Enter the DEER IN THE HEADLIGHTS look...
I gave her this fake smile and immediately became nauseous. "I'll make like a canal for you?" Really? After making sure that last statement never came through my mental thoughts again, she still had more to say...I guess she thought by me asking to remove some of the bread I was trying to watch my caloric intake. Ha.

After asking what meat I would like in the sandwich she says "Would you like light mayo?" Light mayo? C'mon, who says that? Why not just say "Mustard or Mayo on that?" All of a sudden light mayo sits on top of the condiment hierarchy? The whole 5 minute sub shop experience was odd and made me never want to ask for the middle of the roll taken out.

There was a bit of an edge to our conversation today. As thrilled as we were to be back, I sensed some anger in both of us. After eating lunch together every day for the past ten years, we tend to be in sync with our emotions. Sort of like what happens when a bunch of women live together and their "cycles" eventually align. Shit, did I just say that?  

"People" were the issue today. More specifically, certain type of people who piss us both off. Here's an example:

Do you know "that person" who so politely asks you "How are you doing? How are the kids?" but has no intention of actually listening to your response? Me too, and they drive me nuts. Don't even bother asking if you don't care. I know you are following the handbook of how to converse properly with someone, but it's OK, just get to your question/demand and it will be OK.

I could go on and on but we'll save some other examples for a future post. Maybe we'll start "People Who Annoy Us Wednesday", or something like that.  

John is right. Those are the same people who go "Hey you look like you lost weight". This after you just gained 10 lbs.

Have a great weekend and enjoy your lunch.


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