Wednesday, January 9, 2013

A message delivered in the men's room

Yes I know, it's been more than a month since we last posted. I won't make any promises as to when the next one will be, so enjoy this little ditty from Matt.


Maybe it’s fate or maybe just my life and the crazy things that happen, but I have to share one of the most embarrassing, funny and awkward moments that has ever happened to me. It happened just yesterday. Here’s some background first….

Up until November 2012 I lost a bunch of weight. I ate right, exercised and changed my life for the better. For 9 months I felt great. I had a schedule and followed it like a champ. Nothing was going to stop me. Well, maybe…

Once the holidays rolled around I reverted back to my old ways. Thanksgiving was the trouble maker and the trigger to start eating like I had a month to live. Since then I have put weight back on (the same weight that I worked so hard to take off). Not all of it, but enough for me to start to feel it in my clothes. The transformation of the old Matt was happening.

Well yesterday was a sign from God telling me “Are you gonna wake up or what?”. Yes, God spoke just like that to me. Yesterday I wore pants that I had tailored because I had lost the weight. Mr. Big shot walking into the cleaners “Can you please take the waist in on these pants they are just too big”. What a Loser. Little did I know a few months later I would turn into Fat Elvis (without the hair and looks of course).

Here is where the fun started and God spoke. I walk into the Men’s room (nothing disgusting here so relax). There is a guy sitting in the first stall so I go in the middle one next to him. I always like to be as quiet as possible. I unbutton my pants (they were snug to begin with so I was cautious), all of a sudden the metal slide button that buttons your pants from the inside pops and goes flying. It was like life all of a sudden hit sloooo-motion.

The metal slide button hits the floor and actually makes a loud “Ting” noise. I immediately say to myself “Oh God this did not just happen”. It lands directly under the guys pants sitting in the next stall. Now what? Do I put my hand under the wall and just expect him to hand it to me without saying a word to each other? Awkward! Do I say hey can you pass me my button back? Awkward! Is he cracking up laughing on the other side of the wall? Does he know who I am? Do we see each other leaving bathroom and I have to say “Hey sorry about the button”. Awkward! All I can do is think to get the heck out of there as fast as possible. However, now I have no button. I find inside my pants another button on the waist but it’s a lot farther away then the one that popped. Now my pants will be tighter then before. Damn Thanksgiving started this all. 

Now, I’m in the stall sticking in my stomach to button my pants on a notch that turns my pants into a kids size pants (well maybe not kids but you get the point). I’m now having to pray that this button doesn’t pop also and take someone’s eye out. I make it out of the bathroom not having to see this guy who may have my button somewhere intertwined in his pants or shoe. Ugh the thought and embarrassment. I washed my hands and run for the hills as fast as I can being as cautious as ever not wanting to lose my last button. I got through the day but never said a word to anyone except now. I had to. Was too funny to hold in (not my stomach, but the experience).

There you have it. Stick to your New Years resolution if it has to do with weight loss. You want to lose the weight, not your buttons!!
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