Friday pet peeves

JOHN HERE:

I could create a blog dedicated entirely to parking lot annoyances.

• Those elitists who take up two spaces because their car is more special than all of ours ( “keying” said car is encouraged).
• The driver forever in search of a better parking spot even if it means stalking people leaving an establishment and then clogging up the driving lanes for minutes without a care for the rest of us.
• Those a-holes who walk down the middle of the parking lot chatting away with their friends as if they were walking in the mall. No, it’s OK, finish your conversation and I’ll idle in my car until you’re done. No rush. 

But there is one parking lot move that annoys me like no other. And that is:

Guy who always has to BACK INTO a parking space 

And let me qualify this a little further.

• It is OK to pull into a parking space and drive ahead to the space in front of it so the car is facing out. Completely acceptable and a no-brainer. 
• Women are off the hook in this one as I’ve never witnessed one of them pull this maddening stunt. 
• It may even be OK for nervous/worried guy to back in slowly as I understand you may need to do so to calm your nerves or fulfill some OCD task. I get it. 

I take umbrage with cool guy who flies into the parking lot, pulls the car perpendicular to the desired parking space at just the right angle and backs into the spot violently with only one hand on the wheel.

And has the window down.

And has sunglasses perfectly perched atop the head.

This guy deserves to have his tires slashed.

I could go on and on analyzing this parking lot “tool” but I’ll keep it simple with a few facts about said “tool”.

He definitely:

• Watches Two and a Half Men 
• Still calls his friends by their fraternity nicknames:

• Has or is working on a “man cave” in his house 
• Has mastered the art of the "brohug": 

• Definitely wears a trendy winter hat even if it is still 70 degrees: 

Unless you are parking at a large sports event or a concert, where it is difficult to get out of the parking lot, are you really gaining all that much by backing in? Didn't think so cool guy. 

OK, I’m done.

MATT HERE:

Love the parking stuff so I'm going to stick with the "car" theme myself.

It's dark out, everyone and their mother have their lights on (which your supposed to do when it's dark).
Have you then ever been about 100 yards or more from a car on the other side of the road coming at you with their lights off? Oh that's just wonderful and exciting!

When this happens, I'm extremely quick to go right to my brights and flash them as if I'm playing a video game and you have to fire real quick to kill the bad guys. Can you picture me hitting the brights? "Flicker, Flicker, Flicker":

The pet peeve of the story is not that this jerks lights are off, but that by me giving them the brights never makes them think for one second that their lights are off. I could turn my car into a brick wall and put that in front of him and this dope would drive right through it without a care and keep driving with all the bricks all over his car:

Probably cause he's texting.

OK that's my venting for one day. Out of breath and annoyed just thinking of this.


TGAL