Heeeerre's Johnny

OK Johnny boy, dying to know more about the guy that sits across from me for the past 10 years who thrives on Tandoori Chicken.  Here are my questions to you buddy:

What sitcom or cartoon character best describes you (past or present show)?

I would say 50% one of the old men sitting in the balcony on "The Muppet Show", 20% Beavis, 20% Jim Halpert from "The Office" and 10% Greg Brady from "The Brady Bunch".     

What is your greatest pleasure in life?
Seeing a smile on my wife and each of my kid's faces at the exact same time. A close second is sweating my ass off while gardening in the dead of summer.   

What excites you more, cars, food or alcohol? Why?

Easy one - food. Cars mean absolutely nothing to me as evidenced by my still ticking 1999 Honda Civic. I love me some red wine with dinner every night and I've become a massive supporter of the IPA but food thrills me day and night. Hell, look at this blog. It's no joke or satire that we take our lunch very seriously.  

If you had 1 hour to pack up you & your family and all of your personal belongings and move away permanently to a place you have never been, where would you go and why would you go there?

I am moving to Stonington, Connecticut. We have vacationed there a few times and I love the local village feel. It is right on the Long Island Sound so you get the beach vibe without a trace of Jersey Shore cheesiness. It's the kind of place where you just sit and hang with your neighbors all day.  

If given $10,000 for 1 hr of work, would you pose to be in Men's Health modeling speedo underwear? (and yes, just wearing underwear)

C'mon now. I'd pose in women's underwear for $100.

What movie have you cried while watching and what part got you to that point?

I am not a big crying guy but most recently, the beginning of "Up" was one of the most touching moments I've ever seen in a movie. The collage of memories of the wife was so moving, even for an animated movie.  

Do you ever let out a weird masculine grown of exhaustion (that really may be unnecessary) while weight lifting to make yourself feel more pumped and that your really working out hard?

Actually I am the most silent weightlifter of all time. I have no idea why but it has always been that way. Thank god you didn't ask me about my poses in the mirror.  

If you went on "America's Got Talent" what type of act would you do and would it be solo or with a group?

I would do a medley of 80's Hair Metal hits and I'm pretty sure it would be killer. I am a dead ringer for not only Sebastian Bach and Bret Michaels, but also do a mean Klaus Meine (google that name).

If you went into business for yourself, what type of business would you choose and why? would you hire family?

I would run a plant nursery and ideally would only have family working with me. We would only sell "hard to find" plants and would inundate buyer's with my wife's delicacies as they shop. In fact, I will guarantee that this will happen in the not so distant future.

If a studio wanted to make you a guinea pig for an upcoming documentary they were filming (you being the star), what risk or insane task would you take on to do for 30 days?
I would go vegan for 30 days or I would avoid Wegman's for 30 days or I would live in the wild for 30 days or I would live in a coffin for 30 days. In other words, just about anything ... except something that invokes my overwhelming fear of heights.