A tame Monday lunch

This past weekend was very odd. Here in New Jersey, we were hit by an out of nowhere snowstorm that knocked down trees, knocked out electricity and deposited about seven inches of snow in my neck of the woods. It was very surreal to see flowers covered in snow and Halloween trick or treating was in doubt because of the conditions. 

That oddness carried over to our lunch today. As usual, we braved the elements and set out for Wegman's:

We left closer to 12:30 rather than our usual 11:55 but I managed to shake that one off and wasn't too pissed at Matt for not planning his meetings better. Priorities buddy, c'mawn.  

The conversation on the ride to lunch was rather vanilla today as it was a lot of "Can you believe all this snow" or "I had a friend who had a tree fall on their car" or "F'n global warming, huh?". Not our finest.

Lunch decision time for me, was an easy one. There is one hard and fast rule that I've lived by for about two years now. If Tandoori chicken is available at the Indian bar, I jump on it immediately. It is that good and it is not available all that often. You add some broccoli, brown rice and a vegetable spring roll and you my friends have the perfect lunch. An unsweetened jasmine green tea rounded it out and I had a meal that Dr. Oz would approve.  

Lunch conversation stayed rather tame as neither of us was fired up enough or delirious enough from work. Again, a bit disappointing but maybe we are too aware of what we are saying because of this blog. This is an unforeseen development that will need to be addressed swiftly. I thought about making up some shit but that wouldn't be keeping it real, as the kids say nowadays. 

We managed to squeeze in some quick shopping after lunch and I secretly snapped this photo of Matt looking for some "healthy" snacks:

It is no understatement when I tell you Matt is obsessed with Acai. I think he read an article on it's benefits a few years ago and he will find it in anything. Add in the fact that it has dark chocolate and he is in heaven.

Of course, I have to admit I was eyeing up these:

I can't even imagine what we look like while we are walking up and down the aisles shopping together. We are so task driven and there isn't even an inkling of comedy involved.

Actually, if you were to imagine Vince Vaughn and Kevin James shopping for the healthiest protein bars (ideally 20 grams of protein and less than 12 sugars) in serious mode, you would have us nailed perfectly. Me as Vince Vaughn because of my billboard sized forehead (I like to think of it as "prominent") and permanently tired eyes and Matt as Kevin James because he could stand in for him on King of Queens and you would never know the difference.

Good times.

John        

The Party Hour

Matt's in da house!!! .......OK could not think of something more original to start things off so I went with it. 

Thanks John for the intro into the blogger world! I'm hoping to share with everyone (through words and as John mentioned hopefully a podcast real soon), how dedicated we are to our lunch hour. How it allows us to "air out" our frustrations being a part of the corporate cattle. It allows us to vent not only that days frustrations but many of the same things we already discussed the day before at lunch and the day before that. Yep, rehashing and rehashing our pet peeves is a big part of the "Party Hour" as I have now officially named it and how we cringe with some of the people we're forced to be around but also having that same passion for the things we love and can't stop doing that we share together...Wow, deep breath, maybe I should just start picking out my dress and writing our wedding vows cause that sounded so sweet I got a 14 cavities just writing it. 

As my first blog post to this awesome pilgrimage we're gonna take you on (great word huh "pilgrimage" and yes I had to look in the dictionary for another word for "journey" cause I hate when people say "it's been a great ride" or "it's been a great journey"), Stop it. 

Anyway, I thought it would be a good idea to tell you a little bit about John's "better half"................

I'm 43, Husband, Father, Italian Ginzaloo, originally from the Bronx, NY (hate the Yankees, figure that one out). With being Italian I like a lot of things that come with the nationality - Stallone, Rocky, DeNiro, Pacino, Rocky, The Godfather, Rocky and last but not least The Jersey Shore. Being on the cusp of 290 lbs (OK maybe closer to 300) and of course Italian, you would think I only know baked ziti and chicken parmesan, but that's not true, I have a warped sense of eating and my habits might make you say "huh?" This picture says it all:

  

Notice the veggie burger (w/cheese of course), potato bun which has 3 grams of fiber and about 110 calories and to top it off Heinz Organic Ketchup (no high fructose corn syrup), good so far right? Yeahhhh baby I'm like the picture of friggin Weight Watchers right! Now of course that's not good enough because I need to sneak in a piece of fried chicken with most (not all) of the skin taken off. 

I include a bad food with a really healthy food, so to me the healthy food wins and the meal is considered a healthy one (like having a cheeseburger w/fries on a whole wheat bun and a diet soda). I'll enjoy the meal and walk away thinking I just ate really good without any guilt. I can rationalize in my head that because I had steamed broccoli with a turkey sandwich that has bacon and mayo that I should be on the cover of "Men's Health" and doing a Juicer commercial at 3am. That's how my sick mind works and rationalizes that my lunch was a good chose. I know, I need help.  

Anyway, this is just a quick "How ya doin?" from me to let you know there's a lot more where this came from so just give us a chance cause I think these Two Guys at Lunch are funny f'ckers.

Later Peeps. Always wanted to say that!

The Friday routine

Lunch on a Friday is very different from the rest of the week. 

Matt works from home so I am solo in the office. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to continue the routine, hell no. I still make my way to Wegman's rain or shine; I just eat lunch in my car. I also endure jabs at work like "Your boyfriend's not here, you miss him?" or "Are you lost without your better half?". Jealous bastards, you wish you could be in the inner circle, even if it is only a group of two.  

I'm about six foot four and drive a tiny Honda Civic. It is comical to watch me pull into a parking lot and get out of the car. I know that but don't care; I don't owe anything on the car so take that bitches. It is also comical to watch me eat in my car at lunch. I'm huddled over while I eat and have to operate with alligator arms in order to pull it off. 

Today's menu consisted of the following:

As I've mentioned previously, the lunch decisions are not taken lightly. We hold our lunch as sacred and never are the choices made on a whim. NEVER. Today's choices:

• 3 buffalo wings - this is the first stop each day. If there is visible sauce dripping on the wings I'm in. I either go with 3 or 5 (fascinated with odd numbers) depending on the entree chosen. 3 if entree is more substantial or 5 if the wings take center stage. 
• Cajun Kettle Salad - if I manage to exercise that morning, I usually lean salad because I'm motivated to eat leaner. That was the case today. If I make myself believe I am a bodybuilder in training, I add extra chicken for the protein. However, if the salad is matched with wings, I don't add the extra chicken. No extra chicken today.
• Flavored water - the beverage choice may be the most painful. I wish I was that guy who just grabbed a Pepsi every day without giving it any thought. Life would be easier. Most often, I'll grab a Diet Wegman's cola because it is always colder than Coke or Pepsi - I'm not kidding. If I'm healthy guy like today, I lean iced tea w/o any sugar. No good tea options today so went with the flavored water. Quick gripe - Why the f do the nutrition labels on drinks list them as two servings? You can't fool me a-holes, I know it looks better when a drink is listed with 20 grams of sugar but I'm smart enough to multiple by two. 

As I awkwardly eat my lunch, I listen to sports talk radio or Howard Stern. I find it physically impossible to listen to music while eating. The two sensations just seem to collide and cancel each other out. Further proof I'm incapable of multi-tasking.

Once lunch was done I was off to Toys R Us to pick up a birthday gift for my daughter's friend. I'm amazingly comfortable picking out Barbie dolls and in fact, I made sure to pick the least slutty option:

                               

She looks respectable, right? 

That's it for today. Look for Matt's initial post within the next few days.

Have a great weekend.

John  

   

Introducing "Two Guys at Lunch"

Hi there, my name is John and welcome to the very first post from a brand new blog entitled "Two Guys at Lunch". 


Why the title you ask? It's simple really; Matt and I are co-workers who have been going to the same lunch spot for the past ten years and that hour is our most sacred of the day. Nothing will get in the way of us making it to Wegman's supermarket at 12:00 each day - we can often be seen trudging through the snow in the dead of winter out to our cars in the company parking lot. I'm pretty sure we are the butt of many jokes from others at work and that's fine, their asses weren't invited any way (two posterior references in one sentence, nice!). 


So if you made it this far, the next logical thought is "Wow John, so far it sounds riveting. Two guys that go out to lunch each day, tell me more, I'm on the edge of my friggin seat." Fair enough, let me provide you with some additional background.


Matt and I are both in our late thirties/early forties, are happily married (no, not to each other) and have children. While we both can claim to be in some pseudo version of a midlife crisis, this blog is not about us buying a sports car or having a sordid affair at a local motel. It's more of a career/life crisis that we share, trying to answer "What do we want to do when we grow up?"  


Matt spent a good time acting in his early twenties and can be seen in A Bronx Tale and Bonfire of the Vanities. I think he still wonders where those days went and how he ended up in the heart of the corporate world. I guess making money and family will force you to make those types of decisions. Matt will fill you in on more in a future post. 


I followed the life blue print from day one - graduate high school, go to college, find a secure job at a large company, put on my khakis each morning and play the role. While I appear to be your stereotypical "corporate guy" I feel far from it. My true passion is gardening and I've been writing a gardening blog for about two years now. It is my only opportunity for creative expression and without it, I'd be in the corner drooling.                             


Back to the lunch deal. It works like this: 

• We leave the office pronto at 11:55 AM EST
• The drive to lunch is our time to bitch and moan about the morning's absurdities
• Our lunch spot, Wegman's, is a supermarket with unlimited lunch options. We attack those options each day with scientific precision and meet up again once we've paid for our food.
• As we eat, topics can range from our failed workout routines, the benefits of Acai, our fantasy football teams or how annoying The Situation has become.
• After lunch, we hit the aisles and shop a bit like two old ladies. We'll read the labels on protein powder as if we were Sly Stallone or we'll read the cereal boxes to make sure they have no high fructose corn syrup.
• The drive back to work is where we practice our stand up routines and I'm fairly confident we are funny mutha f'ers. We plan to tape these routines and share with you in the future. As an example, we recently shared our vasectomy stories and our shared worries that the doctors were laughing at our cashew like "members". Yes, it goes there often.
• We then return to the office, leave our souls with the security guards at the front desk and get back to being good company guys.     

I'm not sure where this blog will take us but I think we both need it to preserve our sanity and hopefully it will make you laugh your ass off. I realize we've proven nothing to you yet in terms of our humor or take on life, but I urge you to hang in there, I think you'll dig it.    


Again, welcome and we look forward to you coming back again.




John